“Sometimes a man just needs to be alone with his thoughts.”
- “Buckin” Buck Jangle 1887
Because of commitments to other jobs, I regretfully inform that there will be no new Beef & Sage video this week. Don’t get me wrong, we love making videos for you folks, but unfortunately our online advertising deal with Reebok fell through, and we’re struggling to make ends meet.
Thanks to some sound financial advice, I’ve decided to change my career path and have invested in the only commodity that has continued to gain value in these times of economic peril: geode rocks.
I’ve made a life for myself looking for Geodes on a ranch in Midland, Texas. Strohm Phlurm, the owner of the ranch is a good-hearted and reasonable man. The fee he charges me to harvest geodes on his land is fair, and while I don’t want to bore you with numbers, I’ll just say I’ll have him payed back in full after my second big geode strike. Then it’s all profit.
As for Kirk, I’m not sure what he’s up to these days, but I wish him the best.
I no longer have a phone, but if you’d like to contact me, leave a comment on the message board of www.geodegallery.com. I check it periodically when I can visit the Kinko’s in Odessa.
Grab your favorite snuggle sloth, a hot frankincense spiced latte and curl up next to the monitor for this comedic homage (pronounced Ho-mAh-gAY). And have you some Happy Holidays!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMnTja9JHTM&
In case any of you missed the final episode of TRL, we’ve done you a kindness by posting the last #1 video ever presented by the most baddest of asses, Sir Carson Daly. It’s time to paint on those skinnys and crank the bad memories to 11. And feel free to sing along!
And if you’re having trouble viewing our videos through vimeo, you can check them out at FunnyOrDie or Youtube.
Welcome to the world of High Definition. From now on, all new Beef & Sage video content will have the option of being viewed in HD. Simply click the “HD” button in the upper right hand corner of any new video to see it with dazzling clarity. And don’t worry, all you people with shitty slow computers, the videos are still set for normal playback, so you can keep enjoying our video goodness on your Apple II e-machine.
Hopefully, you’re not one of the hundreds of millions affected by the current pinkeye epidemic. But if you are, pry open those crusted eyelids and watch, because Kirk just might be able to cure you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3FPyVvT4cM
Austin, TX
With the current state of the economy, a never-ending war being waged abroad, and the election of a new president, Americans have quite a bit to be worried about. But according to a new study conducted by the Johns Hopkins Institute of Research, all of these causes of woe “are totally poon” compared to the newest threat to our existence: Pinkeye. And the cause of this horrific affliction may shock you.
Pinkeye, also known as Trebon’s Syndrome, has baffled the medical world since its inception. Symptoms include redness of the eye, swelling, itching, and hyperflangea, a process in which the eye actually produces sour bread dough. And it is because of this bread dough, or “eyebatter,” that scientists have been able to trace the origin and cause of pinkeye.
“Upon examining the eyebatter under sophisticated electron microscopes, we were shocked to find traces of worms, sticks and feathers,” said Dr. P. Phrank Phelps of Johns Hopkins. “The components are the exact same as those found in pigeon stool. You know, poo-poo.”
It is believed that the pinkeye virus was brought to America by infected pigeons stowed away on trade ships. However, it remained dormant for hundreds of years until one of the diseased birds poo-poo’d directly into someone’s eyeball. The first reported case was from a prospector named Thaddeus Green in pioneer times.
The medical community has also turned its attention to pigeon pee-pee, stating that it might also be to blame for the recent outbreak of pinkeye.
The FDA has since released an official report stating that “It’s important to steer clear of pigeon excrement altogether. Both poo-poo and pee-pee.”
Alright peoples, you can stop hitting your refresh button on your browser. Check out the newest beef&sage original, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjLs1-sw_r0
AKRON, Ohio (CNN) – Internet phenom, lemonparty.org announced Tuesday that it will go against Obamaniacs and give a full endorsement to Presidential candidate John McCain. “He has style, substance, and a great smile. I think he is a transformational figure,” lemonparty.org said on NBC’s Meet the Press.
Lemonparty.org noted that Obama’s looks and suave demeanor was initially a deterrent to the party “backing” John McCain. But after a long master debate and much “putting of heads together”, lemonparty.org has decided that McCain’s viewpoints are more in line with what their website and fanbase stand for.
In response to the question of Sarah Palin and the nature of her gender, lemonparty.org was quoted as saying, “We have a large male viewership as it were, but with the endorsement of the two-ball McCain/Palin combo, we look to increase the amount of females that visit lemonparty.org. Which is why we will be adding additional content that includes a little lemon for the ladies!”
John McCain himself was not available for comment, but a source directly below him said, “We’ll take support wherever we can get it. Time’s are getting really, REALLY hard.”
