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Beef & Sage MOVIE


Monday, May 24, 2010

We get a lot of people, ok well a few people ask us, “why come you guys don’t make Beef & Sage videos anymore?” We do apologize for our lack of updates, but we have a good excuse. We’ve written and are currently producing our first feature length comedy. That’s right–a REAL MOVIE! “Austin High” will begin shooting next month, and if you want to know more about it please join our Facebook fan page, and tell your uncles and aunts and sisters to do the same.

And if that’s just not enough for ya, check out the official blog for the movie at:

www.keepaustinhigh.com

Beef & Sage Gets Dirty


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Got the Valentine’s Day blues? No boy/girl friend? NAMBLA membership expire? Want to bury your face into a super-bucket of Kentucky Fried Foodstuffs? Well I have a spectacular offer for you! Vintage ‘93 is competing in this year’s Dirtiest Comedy Competition at the Scoot Inn this Friday. In addition to our fast food opus, there will be some other funny short films and stand-up comedians performing so put down the 20-sided die and come drink heavily. Plus, Will has already offered to get the first round of Cosmotini Bopples!
-Kirk
dccfinal

Bulletstorm 4: COMING SOON to an Internet Near You


Sunday, February 1, 2009

The wait is nearly over.  Prepare yourselves, because as soon as the good people at Industrial Light and Magic finish up with the effects shots for our new video, Bulletstorm 4, IT’S ON.  Beefandsage.com was forced to upgrade its web hosting service just so the video wouldn’t make the internet crash.  In anticipation of this blockbuster premiere, we recommend you go buy yourself a 70 inch widescreen HD monitor, state of the art surround sound speakers, and as many adult diapers as you can afford.  We’re serious.  Last week at a test screening, John Woo got so excited he sprayed poop all over Steven Segal AND Dolph Lundgren.

And check out the Official Beef & Sage Store, where you can get your own original Bulletstorm 4 movie poster just in time for Valentime’s Day.

-kirk and will

[CRONIES OF B&S] STAR WARS: RETOLD by Joe Nicolosi


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Check out this inaccurate but hilarious version of the original Star Wars saga, as retold by someone who has never seen any of the original films. More awesome animation, comics, films and scrumptious quiche recipes of Joe’s can be found at http://www.fishrockit.com

[CRONIES OF B&S] THE NIGHT THE COOKIE CRUMBLED by Travis Henning


Saturday, January 10, 2009

I regret to inform you that Will has not yet returned from his geode exploration in Midland, TX. We’ve had very little correspondence since he ventured west but it seems like things are going well for him. I received a package yesterday with no return address and inside it was $30,000 in small bills and an authentic Apache dreamcatcher. I can only assume it was from him and that he’s struck it big out there.

So in the absence of will.i.am, we’ve got another video by a friend of ours, Travis Henning. Travis was just recently named by Jambalaya Quarterly as one of the top filmmakers to watch of 2009. His film, THE NIGHT THE COOKIE CRUMBLED played in the Austin Film Festival this year and it’s very funny. Very similar to Pixar’s early stuff.

Also, if you have some free time, hop over to this website. I HATE YOU DAD is in competition to win some prize money so vote 5 stars! Thank you.

THE Reunion Show of ‘08


Sunday, December 21, 2008

Q: What did the airline pilot say to the stewardess while taking a bong rip and preparing to touch down in Milwaukee?
A: I’m Land’n High!

That joke never gets old to me. And neither do the sweet sounds of one of one of my all-time favorite bands, Landon High from San Antonio, Texas. The music is timeless and the members of the band are like a dream team, or rather, a CREAM-dream-team of all my favorite rockers/human beings in the world.

Although he’s become one of Hollywood’s major players, Kent Zambrana’s lyrics and melodies of yesteryear reveal a much younger and naive-to-love sense of innocence. The repertoire of songs helmed by music virtuoso and porcupine connoisseur, Danny Gibbons have an edgier bite, but guarantee to always go down smooth. The keyboard stylings of the band’s bombshell, Christine Horvat are enough to give the late Bob Moog a boner, and the beats masterfully crafted by drummer Taylor Thompson are tough as nails, yet manage to retain a surprising level of crispiness.

Though their fan-base was slightly smaller than that of a “U2″ or “Nirvana,” Landon High contributed no less to defining a generation. That’s why it’s so important that you attend the Landon High Reunion Show at the Warhol in San Antonio on Dec. 29th. Here are the details of this twice-in-a-lifetime event.

I know that I, as well as all of my San Antonio friends will be attending the show. But, I really urge any of our friends from Austin and the surrounding cities/states to come too. Last year’s reunion was an emotional, sloppy-drunken extravaganza, and it was just acoustic! This year, the boys are plugging in and taking out all the stops.

It’s Christmas break, the world is ours, let’s have a road-trip. I will gladly drive and buy the beer.

And check out their myspace page if you want to jam out.

*PARENTAL ADVISORY: some songs may include references to taints and choads*

-will

[CRONIES OF B&S] TOILET HUMOR by Chris McInroy


Friday, December 19, 2008

By now, you may have seen the post about no new Beef & Sage vidja this week. We have decided to take a short holiday hiatus. Will’s gone off to God’s country to chase his lifelong dream of geode farming and I wish him nothing but the best in his endeavors. I hope that he manages to find the elusive Tiberian Double Large Keokuk Geode Pair. It’s always been his dream.

I, on the other hand, have something of my own lined up. I can’t say because of contractual agreements to my warden but I will try to keep our faithful followers posted as future chapters of my life are written.

In the meantime, I’d like you to check out some funny entitled TOILET HUMOR from a crony of ours, Chris McInroy. He’s a very comical filmmaker based in Austin, TX and if you don’t watch it you’re a chauvinist pig. His latest short film CAPTURE CLAUS just got picked up by iTunes so scurry on over there and check it out. More of his work can be seen at www.needfundsfilms.com.

I hope you enjoy it and have yourself a merry little Christmas!

Greener Pastures


Thursday, December 18, 2008

“Sometimes a man just needs to be alone with his thoughts.”
- “Buckin” Buck Jangle 1887

Because of commitments to other jobs, I regretfully inform that there will be no new Beef & Sage video this week. Don’t get me wrong, we love making videos for you folks, but unfortunately our online advertising deal with Reebok fell through, and we’re struggling to make ends meet.

Thanks to some sound financial advice, I’ve decided to change my career path and have invested in the only commodity that has continued to gain value in these times of economic peril: geode rocks.

I’ve made a life for myself looking for Geodes on a ranch in Midland, Texas. Strohm Phlurm, the owner of the ranch is a good-hearted and reasonable man. The fee he charges me to harvest geodes on his land is fair, and while I don’t want to bore you with numbers, I’ll just say I’ll have him payed back in full after my second big geode strike. Then it’s all profit.

As for Kirk, I’m not sure what he’s up to these days, but I wish him the best.

I no longer have a phone, but if you’d like to contact me, leave a comment on the message board of www.geodegallery.com. I check it periodically when I can visit the Kinko’s in Odessa.

Will

Beef & Sage Goes HD!


Monday, November 10, 2008


Welcome to the world of High Definition. From now on, all new Beef & Sage video content will have the option of being viewed in HD. Simply click the “HD” button in the upper right hand corner of any new video to see it with dazzling clarity. And don’t worry, all you people with shitty slow computers, the videos are still set for normal playback, so you can keep enjoying our video goodness on your Apple II e-machine.

Recent Study Suggests Pigeon Poo-Poo,Pee-Pee #1 Cause of Pinkeye


Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Austin, TX
With the current state of the economy, a never-ending war being waged abroad, and the election of a new president, Americans have quite a bit to be worried about. But according to a new study conducted by the Johns Hopkins Institute of Research, all of these causes of woe “are totally poon” compared to the newest threat to our existence: Pinkeye. And the cause of this horrific affliction may shock you.
Pinkeye, also known as Trebon’s Syndrome, has baffled the medical world since its inception. Symptoms include redness of the eye, swelling, itching, and hyperflangea, a process in which the eye actually produces sour bread dough. And it is because of this bread dough, or “eyebatter,” that scientists have been able to trace the origin and cause of pinkeye.
“Upon examining the eyebatter under sophisticated electron microscopes, we were shocked to find traces of worms, sticks and feathers,” said Dr. P. Phrank Phelps of Johns Hopkins. “The components are the exact same as those found in pigeon stool. You know, poo-poo.”
It is believed that the pinkeye virus was brought to America by infected pigeons stowed away on trade ships. However, it remained dormant for hundreds of years until one of the diseased birds poo-poo’d directly into someone’s eyeball. The first reported case was from a prospector named Thaddeus Green in pioneer times.
The medical community has also turned its attention to pigeon pee-pee, stating that it might also be to blame for the recent outbreak of pinkeye.
The FDA has since released an official report stating that “It’s important to steer clear of pigeon excrement altogether. Both poo-poo and pee-pee.”